Slowing Down Oil Depletion

By Alice

Okay, so is this what we're supposed to be doing? Posting our WHOLE answers? Because mine take up a LOT of space. But they're funny so it all balances out. (the last one's the best!)

1. Question: What's the main cause for this and what are some general ideas for how we can help?
   Answer: One of the most obvious ways we can decrease our oil intake is by driving less. This is one of the most direct causes for oil depletion – way too much gas being used in cars for a way too cheap price. If we don't drive less, we could at least pay more for it. Now we're practically paying nothing. It's only fair. In fact, over 244 million vehicles drive around the US each day. And that's only America, not even stretching out into the rest of the world yet! The next most pressing issue is diesel. That's really the same as gasoline, its just uses a significant amount less oil. Heating oil is also something that is used a bunch, especially in the US. It helps heat furnaces. We really don't need that much heat, now do we? Seriously? Come on America! And then to continue on with how we can help out – fly less! I mean, duh! Judging the fact that we're flying around in a steel tube in the air from place to place and being powered by this magical oil substance, we should be paying way more. Not only that, but some people just fly for fun. That's a total waste, considering how much oil we have left. (COUGHHUMMERSCOUGH). Then there's bunker oil, which is also really not that much of an issue – it powers ships. I guess it's better than flying. Maybe... don't order stuff from so far away next time you use eBay? Good idea. Then there's all the miscellaneous products we use every single day and don't think how much of a waste it all is. These include rubber, synthetic fibers, fertilizer/pesticide, paint, detergent, plastic, photographic film, food additives, medicine (plus the bottles!), make-up, dyes, candles... Again – COME ON! We can cut back on all of these a great deal and then magically our estimate for how much longer our oil will last will shoot way up! Just think. No mascara equals maybe a year more of driving! How cool is that?
2. Question: In the area of transportation, specifically, what can we do?
   Answer: As a first, we can eliminate every single outrageous Hummer on this planet. But that's just a personal preference. Like I said before, we can drive less. When your school is ten minutes away by car, it wouldn't hurt you that much to wake up a little earlier and walk, now would it? Sure, you're groggy in the mornings, and really don't want to wake up a vital fifteen minutes earlier. But that alone can make a significant change in everybody's future lives if everyone who can participate does. (I can't, for example. I live 30 miles away....) Again, if you are clinically opposed to walking, as painful as it is, you could maybe either bike or take a bus, or even carpool! You don't even need to not use a vehicle, just the less cars that are used, the better. Then there's another easy transportation issue. PLANES. “Super-sonic sky buckets”. Think about it for a second. Have you ever gone on a family vacation? Of course you have. Have you gone by plane? Even more likely. Did it even occur to you that you were floating thousands of feet above ground at incredibly high speeds in a flicking steel coffin?! I doubt it. It just seemed normal. Maybe the one strange thing you encountered was the security! Then again, consider it. About 10% of all oil is used in planes. This may not seem like much, but it still would make a pretty sizable difference if we didn't fly as much. (Hint: Maybe we could, say, raise the prices? We're flying in a steel coffin after-all.) Then there's the less pressing issue of trains, ships, etc. They aren't really that oil-guzzling over all. Maybe a total of 7% of all oil goes to that purpose. The one thing that can help that, (and flight [and driving too!]) is buying local. DUH! How do you think those imported orangutan hairs got to your house? Definitely not by magic. They probably first crossed some seas to get to America, then some giant hummer-like truck drove them all the way to some airport in the middle of Kansas, and then they were flown to your city and conveniently delivered by a UPS truck. Convenient for the planet too, eh? Not quite.
3. Question: How can we decrease all other sources? Specifically.
   Answer: Ha. Ha. Ha. Stupid America. You think that you can lie to us about how much oil is left and continue selling us TV's and magazines in which you'll keep on advertising fertilizers, paints, chap-sticks, clothes, fridges, cars, and cheap airline prices. Well screw you. You're wrong. You can't go on like this, or else we'll all end up hitting the end of oil head first, and not be able to convert back to wax candles and milking cows each morning. All. Your. Fault. Okay this is becoming more of a “Blame America” rather than a “Question” blog. Let's try this again. Every day we watch TV, see adds, read magazines, and listen to our friends. These are all things that help us want to buy stuff. Stuff and stuff and stuff that accumulates and is eventually thrown out. Tough luck for us, this stuff that we throw away and incinerate after it has been collecting dust on our shelves for three years is a whole bunch of junk. But we all knew that. Its a whole bunch of junk that's helping deplete our oil supply. Whoa. That we don't all know. We think that when we wake up in the morning, put on our half-plastic Converse, brush our teeth with our crap toothbrush and tooth paste, drive to work in our Hummer, use a laptop, go buy lunch, etc. we don't really make much of a difference in our oil supply. Well you're wrong you idiot! Almost of 20% of our oil supply ends up being used for random crap, half of which we don't even use – we just buy it cause it looked cool on TV. Hold it right there! TV?! Could that be made of almost all oil too? Well congrats!!! You've got it! We get sold oil, from something made out of oil, which comes from people who don't give a shit about how much oil is left and lie to us about it! What an oil crisis! So just take a breath. Calm down. Smell the roses. Recover from all that cursing up there. And think again. Would the world die if girls didn't use make-up? I don't think so. Would the world die if you didn't get your magical herb soap from Africa? I don't think so. Would the world die if people didn't watch so much TV? I don't think so. If we cut back on all these superfluous materials, nothing bad would happen! N.O.T.H.I.N.G. Take it from me. Maybe a few upset girls, some furious soap-collectors, and a handful of mad football fans but that's all! Would you rather have that or go back to the dino-age when we still ate raw turkey for thanksgiving – wait, before thanksgiving!! But all in all, let's just say that not getting your imported orangutan hairs will not kill you.